A moment of realization

Cloudy and rainy Koh Tao

This blogpost is a bunch of thoughts I had on a boatride from Koh Phangan to Koh Tao. In fact it was quite a challenging boatride during monsoon season. It revealed something inside of me though which I wanted to capture and write down. There’s no better place to do that than on placesoflinda.

It was the morning of Friday, 12th of November 2021. During this time it’s monsoon season in the Gulf of Thailand. Heavy rain showers and grey skey were greeting us on that morning. We were planning to take the speedboat to go from Koh Phangan to Koh Tao. The ocean and sky looked like the saturation was reduced to 0 %. Even though it was morning it was so dark at the pier – it seemed like the day was going to end soon. The weather didn’t seem to clear up any time soon either, which was quite worrying considering we were going on a 1 hour boat trip to reach the neighbour island 40 km away. A bit later we were sitting on a cramped speedboat wrapped up in raincoats to protect ourselves from getting wet.

There are many colorful and bright days. But there are also these days when everything is grey. When emotions are going up and down. When it feels like there’s no brightness.

This very much described the boatride. The trip seemed to be endless as after an hour we haven’t made any real progress. The waves were so high that the boat couldn’t really move forward. Some people were seriously struggling with seasickness, frightened that the boat would never make it to the island. At some point I did have similar thoughts. Instead of giving them more space I switched my focus though.

I put my brain on observing mode

I’ve practiced a lot of different yoga and meditation styles over the past six years. Both in classes and alone. It is quite a process to learn to sometimes distance yourself from emotions and everything that’s going on in the world. To put your brain on observing mode and let all thoughts and input just pass like clouds – instead of giving attention to them.

Sometimes during the day it’s wonderful and resting to just exist. To listen into ourselves, the surroundings and to just be there in the present moment. To not give any deeper thoughts to our fears, worries or to dos we might have. To witness everything going on through a more objective lens.

This state of mind is something I learned and practiced through yoga and meditation – or let’s say it was more like a side effect. I think it’s a state of inner peace you can practice. The more you practice, the easier I think it is to get there – even if it’s only for some moments during a busy day. On this boatride it became very clear to me that I am able to do this – to just exist in the present moment. To not think about what might happen and not let my thoughts overwhelm me. This moment of realization was magical.

My focus: Ocean, sounds and my breath

I chose to focus on the ocean, the sounds and my breath instead of letting my fears overwhelm me. I managed to do this for quite a long time. More than I have ever done it for. What made this boatride so formative was that I realized how strong my mind already is and how much stronger it can get in the next few years. I don’t even know if ‘strong’ is the right word. Of if it is rather being able to control my mind, to find inner peace.

This moment of realization gave me strength for everything what is coming in life. For the ups and downs. The colorful and grey days. Because at the end of the day I keep my brightness and inner peace with me at all times. So I can take advantage of them whenever I need to. To share them with other beings. An no external impact can really change this as long as I choose not to.

This little story doesn’t need a long conclusion or ending. It’s no life advice or anything like that. But I think we can all practice this peaceful state of mind and it can be very important and such a strong resource for us.

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